User Profile

Character Demographics:

Fandom: Boston Legal
Name: Denny Crane
Age: 77
Physical Appearance: Remarkably like Bill Shatner.
Education: Hotchkiss, Harvard, and Harvard.
Occupation: Named Partner at Crane, Poole, & Schmidt. The first name on the letterhead, as a matter of fact.
Significant Other: Alan Shore.
Sexual Preference: Women. Tall ones, short ones; fat ones, skinny ones; blondes, brunettes, redheads. The more the better.


Character Biography:

History: Denny was born to be a lawyer. His grandfather was a lawyer. His father was a lawyer. His education, early and late, had always been about training him to be a lawyer, and to be an astute commander of power and plenty. And although early in his career he was temporarily disowned by his father for a difference in juridical ethics, it was this event that propelled the founding of Crane, Poole & Schmidt, the very firm that today prospers as the most prestigious in Boston, with offices around the world. Denny was once the principle rainmaker for Crane, Poole & Schmidt, but has had to step back to an extent because of the Mad Cow.

At 77, Denny has been married five times. He loves women and falls in love easily and wholeheartedly. He carries a special flame for Shirley Schmidt. But his true loves are his legacy, his undefeated record, and his best friend Alan Shore. They're flamingoes. No matter what happens, Denny and Alan sit together at the end of the day to enjoy cigars and brandy and one another's company. (He'll miss that.)

The trouble is that he has the Mad Cow. He doesn't like to use the word Alzheimer's, but it does sometimes seem like he's slipping, like he's losing it, and it terrifies him.

Personality in seven words or less: Irreverent, egotistical, smug, lecherous, conceited, pompous.

How Others Perceive Your Character: They might see him as a kind of dirty old man. As a rich, dirty old man. Always well-dressed, with a ready smile. There's also something about him that puts one at ease. Something a little vulnerable, and well-meaning, and sweet, despite the conservatism and the self-obsession and the womanizing. Hard to take him seriously anymore these days, though. Does he know what he's doing? Is he succumbing to the Mad Cow? It's difficult to tell.

Beliefs, Convictions, Morals: Teddy Roosevelt was right about carrying the big stick. America is a great nation. America was founded on a man's right to protect his home and his livelihood against tyrannical control by an absent state, and Americans deserve that right today. Democrats are thinly-disguised Communists. The welfare state is an ill-fated Socialist deception. Homeless people may be shot in the head with a paintball gun. Child rapists may be shot in the knees with a real gun. Always carry a gun. Or seven. You never know when you may have to save your best friend or your best gal from an irate criminal. Women of all shapes and sizes should be loved and appreciated, but sometimes they have to be protected from themselves, because they don't really know what they want, or what's good for them. They like to have their asses grabbed; it makes them feel beautiful. If you can't have the real thing, a blow-up doll makes a nice substitute. If you can't have the real thing, buy the next best thing. Money will get you anything you want. And if money won't do it, then power will. If even those fail, claim that it's sweeps. That usually works. A best friend is better than a woman any day, except when you're looking to get frisky. Dwarves love group sex. In the courtroom as in the bedroom, showmanship counts. If you're arguing a long-shot, just keep talking until the jury looks convinced. Always promise your clients millions of dollars. It's good business practice. When in doubt, remind them that you are Denny Crane. Life is good when you're Denny Crane. Live it fully, and don't let them put you on a respirator.

Reason(s) for Escaping to Canada: Fishing.

Their DHAs [Dreams, Hopes, and Aspirations] for Canada: The doctors say Denny needs to keep his mind stimulated, and, well, after the last debacle with all those pills almost killing him (long story short: multiple medications, bad interactions, sued the pants off of the pharmaceutical industry), to have a vacation too. Life in Boston is a little slow right now, and he can always fly back if anything interesting happens after the hiatus. Normally, he would go to Nimmo Bay, but if he can't have British Columbia, at least he can grace some part of Canada with his presence. Besides, a new place counts as mental stimulation. He'll bring the crosswords.



Twenty-Questions for the Characters:

1. What turns them on: Women, guns, his name, and winning. Preferably all at the same time.
2. What turns them off: Liberals. Except for Alan.
3. Would they see a shrink: Not since he shot his last therapist.
4. Worst Childhood experience: Not being good enough for father and facing his disapproval.
5. Favorite Film: Star Trek V: The Final Frontier.
6. Favorite Song: Hail to the Chief.
7. Favorite Word: Denny Crane.
8. Least Favorite Word: Alzheimer's.
9. Favorite Curse Word: Liberals!
10. Best gift ever received: Going before the Supreme Court with Alan.
11. Sound or Noise they hate: Whining democrats.
12. Sound or Noise they love: Gunfire.
13. Do they know the answer to 64 million dollar question: 64 million is petty cash.
14. [Complete the sentence] ... All the world's a stage... and I'm in the spotlight. Denny Crane.
15. Did Yoko Ono really break up the Fab Four: Women have a tendency to do that. They don't like to let you play with your friends. That's why Alan comes first.
16. Chuck Norris or Bruce Lee: Chuck Norris. All-American.
17. Half full or half empty: Completely full and spilling over. Life is good.
18. Coke or Pepsi: Brandy and a cigar.
19. If they were a Jellybean flavor, which one: Apple pie.
20. And, finally, if Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? “You hear the one about the fella who died, went to the pearly gates? St. Peter lets him in. Sees a guy in a suit making closing arguments. Says “who’s that?” St. Peter says “Oh, that’s God. He thinks he’s Denny Crane.”

This journal is for recreational purposes only, for the RPG aternatopia. It is not affiliated with William Shatner, ABC, or David E. Kelley.

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